Striving towards a brave heart-random thoughts on a blue day

　Several days ago, as my former classmates were busy getting registered for　
our graduate school, I felt an impulse of mixed feelings--a bit out of place　
and deserted.　It lasted only a little while , though, and I recognized I　
was not sensibel thinking that way, as I still have a lot of friends here,　
who have been offering me tender & consideration just as much as , if not　
more than before.　

　I should precisely address myself as USTC alumni now, rather than USTCer　
as I used to just two months ago. I still stay in lab all day, eat in USTC　
canteens, work out on USTC sports venues........ The delicate difference　
between them has brought me not only trouble, but also spiritual torture. My　
painful experience yesterday proved to me again how fortunate it is to be a　
registered student, and how helpless a deserted child is.　Boble, my lab　
partner and good friend, left with me an encouragement: Just Do What you　
Wanna Do, never care how other people treat U, which had also supported him　
spiritually all through the past several month, and which I have indeed been　
bearing in mind. However, I am well aware that deeper inside, I not nearly　
brave enough as they compliment.

　 I have never encountered any person with such inhumanity and cruelty in　
my life before, let alone a female postgraduate student in one of the most　
prestigious universities of our country. Have got no idea how she manages to　
live a world where she does not trust anyone, does not have mercy for　
anyone, does not care for anyone, hurts everyone, and live a life in　
uttermost solitude, with no friendship or love.　As a matter of fact, my　
friend had asked me to get prepared dealing with a difficult person, while I　
have always been confident of getting along with others and firmly believe　
that love can change difficult people, I googled through the web for　
experience coping with such persons, with great ambition and earnest.　Oh,　
lord, Had I expected such incredible behavior, I would not have bothered.　
Somehow I feel a bit of pity for the girl--"she must be in a state of great　
pressure, I did not want to pain her with more pressure, therefore hanged　
off the phone indicating my indignation"　said my big friend Tiger, who has　
been contacting all aquaintances possible to help me, and to whom I owe　
greatest gratitude. Unfortunately, no one seems to be able to help her out　
of such inhumanity.　Perhaps God will some day save her from her sin.

　 Well, I am afraid I have got a long way to go, towards my long cherised　
brave heart, since I could not help sharing these mixed feelings. And,　
reminded of what boble once taught me about sharing: "It is cruel to bother　
your friends with your sorrows and pains in life." , I feel guilty putting　
all these words down on this board.