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YouYou2005 等级 0 楼 发表于 2005/7/24 19:31:15 编 辑 |
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These two years witnessed in my life several persons pestling my peaceful routine life, some I had deemed friends and ambitiously intended to help out of selfishness, for an enlightened and educated young man or woman , such behavior is disgusting I guess. I have had enough, and want to be assertive. Therefore, googled some good pieces of advice from the web^_^ Share with alls We all want to be liked and respected, right? It seems everyone's vying for a place on society's "it" list. But while sporting the Mr. Popularity crown has its share of perks -- both in your personal and professional life -- you may wind up being nothing more than a doormat, getting stepped on left, right and center if you're not careful. The problem is that in your undying need to please everyone and stay on their good sides, you in turn leave yourself vulnerable to the nasty, selfish people who are only pretending to like you to satisfy their own agendas. Sure, you may be scoring high-fives, and the phone may be ringing off the hook, but it could be for all the wrong reasons. the everyday situations Take a good, hard look at your friends, girlfriend, and co-workers. Do they genuinely care about you, or are they putting up with you due to an ulterior motive? When you go out with your buddies, are you the one who's always paying? Does someone always misplace their wallet at the most convenient time, while someone else always seems to be "running a little short," thus forcing you to cough up the dough every time? Are you being included in activities only because you're the sole provider of (free) transportation? If so, are you not speaking up because you don't want to jeopardize your relationship with your nearest and dearest friends? Well, snap out of it! Having friends shouldn't cost a fortune, nor should it involve dealing with moochers, which is exactly what you're doing. These supposed "friends" of yours might only be hanging around you because you pamper them. And even if they aren't doing it on purpose, the fact that you sit idly by without doing anything about it will not help matters much. be cautious of everyone Love and relationships If your idea of a healthy relationship is being your girlfriend's personal chauffeur, running her errands, and paying for everything, you may be in trouble. Why? Because giving her the moon and the stars, especially in the beginning, puts her in a situation where she may want to keep you around if only to be spoiled. Work environment Just like in relationships, you may also be playing the role of "doormat" at work. Taking responsibility for other's mishaps and doing other people's work may be your way of scoring points, but you may as well tattoo "sucker" on your forehead. Chances are, you're not getting the respect you deserve. The workplace is especially tricky because there isn't that emotional attachment you have with loved ones at home. Therefore, someone will not feel as guilty when they take advantage of you. Friends and family It's also important not to fall into this trap with those closest to you, even if they are your relatives. If you constantly bail out your friends or siblings, financially or otherwise, then you risk becoming their backbone for life. Yes, it's true, it's harder to say "no" to a member of your family or a friend you've had for life because you feel it's your duty to help them out. But is doing everything for them what family is all about? I don't think so. where's it coming from? It's obvious that you have an insatiable need to please people, but why? In most cases, this behavior is indicative of a dire need to be accepted. You want to feel like you belong, like you're part of a group. You want to fit in, and you're willing to go to great lengths to do so. This is especially true for those who have trouble making or keeping friends, or even getting a date. For others, particularly shy people, it simply reflects a need to keep the peace. That is, they are so afraid of confronting people and making enemies that they willingly let people get away with murder, so to speak. In any case, what you are essentially doing is bribing people to like you. You're assembling an entourage under false pretenses and, in doing so, are making a mockery of yourself. get your spine back Here are three easy ways to weed out the bad guys and become more assertive: 1- Cut them off at the source Whatever it is you're giving them, quit it. Now it's your turn to forget your wallet, leave your car in the garage, and stop giving up all your free time for them. Those who really care about you will have no problem giving and taking. Those who were just using you, on the other hand, will likely drop off the radar screen, doing you a huge a favor in the process. 2- Voice your opinion It's time to gather up whatever dignity you have left and get a few things off your chest. If someone else is wrong, say so immediately and don't take the blame for others' mistakes. If you feel as though you are being mistreated, make sure you let the culprits know that you're onto them. Even if you have to engage in a verbal brawl, at least they'll get the message that you will no longer be their personal doormat. Essentially, what you are saying is, "you're not welcome anymore." 3- Start from scratch In the worst-case scenario, you may lose a few people whom you thought were close to you. But it's a small price to pay to regain your manhood. This is a good opportunity to start over and meet new people, maybe even change jobs, if you can. This time, however, be more cautious with the people you come in close contact with and be a better judge of character. But before you do any of that, take some time off and pamper yourself for a change. This is a good time to take a well-deserved vacation. Whether it's at the beach or in the woods, take time to reflect and change your life considerably. protect yourself We all want to be liked and we want to believe that everyone is just as nice we are. But since that is rarely the case, the only thing you can do is be yourself and not give people any more than you normally would. Let people appreciate the real you. Your well-being should come first, and if you find that your good deeds aren't being reciprocated, it's time to cut that person loose and move on. |
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